The buffet

I fully endorse buffet's as long as they meet very strict guidelines:

Beverages - The buffet ALWAYS includes a drink. If it doesn't include a drink, the establishment is is trying to gouge you.

Price - Price cannot be greater than 2x the cost of a non-buffet purchase. If you spend $6 a meal, the buffet cannot be over $11 for that same meal, at the same time of day (ie. Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner)

Expactation of Tip - This is a subset of price, but should be noted on it's own. Do I have to pay some unhygienic teen to get my drink, and take away my plates? This also fits under illness, because teen's don't ever wash their hands at resturants.

Price To performance equation (P2Pe) - Did you get your money's worth? This is NOT objective! This simple calculation will assist you in determining if the establishment is any good; (Quality + Quantity) * Service >= Price. (Service is never a whole number at a buffet.) If that equation doesn't work with your choice of buffet, don't go!

Illness - you cannot get sick! My family once got sick at a Godfathers pizza buffet, and we never went back. The place closed down a while after that. I would like to think my opinion had something to do with that, but I doubt it.

Kids eat for X - Do kids eat free? Do they eat for pennies on the dollar? Spending $5 for a kid's buffet is like paying theater admission for a 2 month old baby, pathetic. You show me a kid under 5 that validates the P2Pe.

Examples of approved buffets:

Chinese (Any) - Only if you pay less than $7 for lunch $8.50 for dinner, just don't use the restroom.
Brazilian (Any) - ALWAYS, for Lunch. Any opportunity to eat massive amounts of food at a flat rate has my bid. $18
Other (Home Style, like Golden Corral) - Depends. Do they offer steak? Any meat? Mac & Cheese? MAX $11
Salad & Soup - No, No, NO! Go to the grocery store, by a can of Progresso soup & a bag of leafy salad, and a bottle of your favorite dressing, ya freak.

All above MUST include a beverage in the price.